Leah let out a sigh as she sat on the couch and said, “All I want for Christmas is to not be alone”. She began to reflect on all of the changes that had occurred in her life during the last year. A bout of depression, a difficult job change, and several of her friends deciding to move away made the last few months particularly difficult. Her posture and her words spoke to a deep yearning to be connected with others. What do we do when we feel alone? How can you make it through a season where happiness, connection, and excitement are often expected (and encouraged by the highlight reel of social media)? These are some of the questions that haunted Leah and caused her to dread the upcoming holiday season.
Like Leah, maybe this holiday season looks much different than those of the past for you or someone that you know and care about. The holidays can be filled with excitement, but they can also be a pain point.
Several tips that I am giving to all of my patients this year are:
1. Be mindful of how much stock you put into social media and monitor how much time you are paying attention to it. With all of its many benefits, it is easy to be swept into a comparison minefield that can increase a sense of loneliness or failure.
2. Take some time for yourself and try to understand what this part of you is saying. Example: What is this loneliness pointing you towards? (Maybe: reconciliation, braving fear, or some other action step) Are you critical of yourself for feeling lonely or are you able to be compassionate towards yourself during this difficult time?
3. Take a risk and question defensive thoughts that may be holding you back. Example: “I want to spend time with them, but they will probably be too busy with their family or other friends.
On the other hand, maybe your holiday season is very full and there is much to look forward to. Consider who you know that may have had a hard year. Reaching out to them may be more of a gift than you could ever realize.
(Names and identifying features are always altered in order to maintain confidentiality.)